The gospel today provides us one of the most solid biblical bases of the call to
forgiveness. Why is forgiveness so central to the Christian faith? Because God’s love is best exemplified when he died for us on the cross for the forgiveness of our sins. Humanity might not have asked for forgiveness, but God unselfishly gave it and will give it without any condition because he is the God of love. Forgiveness is the final act of love.
Forgiveness does not depend on whether the person who has hurt or caused us pain apologizes or feels any remorse. It is, of course, much better if one does that; but, even without it, one needs to forgive, to give oneself the chance to live life once again and not get stuck in the past. Whenever we forgive, we are basically telling the person who has hurt us : I refuse to be enslaved by what you did to me. I refuse to be defined and ruled by the pain and betrayal. Forgiveness, then, is not just something we do for others, it's something we do for ourselves. Not forgiving someone is the equivalent of staying trapped/shackled in a jail cell of bitterness, serving time for someone else's crime. Even the expression, “holding a grudge,” has a burdensome weightiness to it that falls on us. Think of the dark downward spiral we enter when we bear the heavy emotions of hate, resentment and rage over that which we cannot change. Forgiveness is about freeing
ourselves of that burden.
The objective of forgiveness is not to forget or deny hurt, nor is it necessarily about reconciling with the one who’s done wrong. Reconciliation is different from forgiveness. Reconciliation, as a fruit of forgiveness, is to go back to the original relationship with the person whom we have hurt or has hurt us. The ideal thing is: we forgive and reconcile. But, sometimes reconciliation is impossible, especially in situations of abuse. You don’t want to risk the safety of the person or put the person in great harm once again. But, even without reconciliation, one still needs to forgive.
Forgiveness is about taking power over how we will respond, with love and freeing ourselves from a cycle of hate that is self-consuming. Have I embraced forgiveness wholeheartedly? Is there someone that I need to forgive genuinely so that I can fully live in God’s gift of the moment? – Fr. Cary